Dalis’ banters in SoA

* * *

Aekanaro -

Your step falters, your vision spins, and you feel something is very wrong. For an instant you are conscious of nothing but the rushing of your blood.

The feeling passes, but far too slowly for your liking.

Haer’Dalis -

I would imagine so. You have had a rather interesting manipulation cast upon you. I would be wary of any changes in your health.

* * *

Aekanaro -

Your blood cools, and mind and body are reunited under your control. Your will had faltered, and the essence of Bhaal was there to take advantage. The void where your soul once was overflowed with murderous fury, the mark of a deity that no longer exists. It was mindless and horrible to behold.

Haer’Dalis -

Well...

Reminds me of home...

The bad parts... Aekanaro, have you done this befo... No, no I don't suppose you have. You have channeled the power of a dead god through you and maintained enough will to tell about it. Count your blessings. If this happens much more you will cease to be yourself. It's just a theory of mine, but one you should be wary of. But besides the danger, this has been a wonderfully chaotic show.

* * *

Aekanaro -

Haer'Dalis, the tiefling bard who has been a unique companion, always enigmatic and obsessed with entropy. Why he continues to follow you, you don't really know.

Aekanaro -

Haer'Dalis... you don't need to accompany me any further, if you don't wish to. This isn't your fight.

Haer’Dalis -

Ahh, but I have little choice in the way of it now, my cautious raven. Your life is an act of such vivid interest to me, I cannot help but remain at your side to see how the last act unfolds before me. My blades stand ready to fall, if entropy dictates it is so.

Haer’Dalis -

Ah, let the muses fly once again! A victory has been won this day that shall be sung of through the ages! Entropy works its end even on those who seek to rise above it... what a truer claim could be made?

Aekanaro -

The pain subsides, and you open your eyes to horror beyond imagining. It is an assault on your senses, a collection of nightmare sensations. This, surely, is Hell.

Haer’Dalis -

Ahhh, back in the planes, I see. And the hard way, too, it seems. Adventuring with you does seem to have its odd turns, my raven.

Haer’Dalis -

Ahhh, this is a fine battle that shall ring throughout the planes! Live or die, this has been a wondrous adventure! Now we face off with Oblivion!

* * *

Haer’Dalis -

A word, good knight Anomen...in the last battle, I noticed you pulling back and parrying... Next time you see an opening like that, my advice is to take advantage of it.

Anomen -

I did, actor... So you can stop pushing your weight around and leave the fighting to those of us who can handle the front line.

 

Haer’Dalis -

Aye, Anomen, talk as you wish. For all your swagger, you wouldn't last a day upon the Planes.

 

Anomen -

Look, harlequin, go on and tell your tales... I'm sure someone here believes them. Now get out of my sight before I skewer you and your liar's soul.

* * *

Haer’Dalis -

Ah, Cernd, my rustic, wind-borne swallow! These woods have such a regal bearing, their airs so sweetly scented by the leaf's decay...

I delight so at the sparrows twittering above and look...there passes a prancing squirrel, all delighted by the softness of our approach!

Cernd -

Ha, that prancing squirrel over yonder? If you could only understand his speech, your face would flush quite red at its vulgarity.

Let us just say that he is less than pleased by the loudness of your voice and the fact that you are currently standing on his cache of nuts.

 

Haer’Dalis -

... Cernd, you could have explained that in a manner that would not have involved me wincing.

* * *

Edwin -

Bard, my considered and correct opinion of actors is this - you are irresponsible, irrational and incapable of adult emotion without first reducing it to some banal personal, material or sexual credo.

I can only make it my faintest hope that this definition doesn't include you, as well.

Haer'Dalis -

As an actor, it is mandatory to be able to express and convey emotion, not be emotional. As for your inastute observation, a critic is a legless man who teaches running to the fleet of foot.

 

Edwin -

At least I don't find it necessary to have others write my life for me or have its mundane plot plagiarized from common sources.

 

Haer'Dalis -

No, but you do seem to require my validation by spouting a random insult where none was deserved. Dwell on that while we fade.

* * *

Haer'Dalis -

"I once knew a Red Mage of Thay

Who dreamed of lichdom some day.

He said he knew how to do it

But he still managed to screw it

up in the funniest way."

Edwin -

(Thank the gods he is not a better poet. This is one tale we would rather not see immortalized in print!)

* * *

Haer’Dalis -

Ah, my hound, this city be the great world of commerce! Perhaps we can sell Jaheira?

Jaheira -

Cut your wit, bard. The day has been long already, without you adding hours to it.

 

Haer’Dalis -

Cut my wit? Why, certainly, if I could only use your nose's razor edge to perform the task.

 

Jaheira -

Aye, it seems I've sharpened it upon the grindstone of your heart.

 

Haer’Dalis -

Well, my frumpy ptarmigan, I must protest-

 

Jaheira -

"Methinks thou dost protest too much." Aye, I can quote the poets too. If you must protest, I respond only to hunger strikes and, even then, too late.

 

Haer’Dalis -

Oh Aekanaro, raven of sympathy! Yon woman is stifling my creativity and stealing thunder from my wit! I swear I cannot work amidst the lashings of her tongue!

* * *

Haer’Dalis -

Why do you stare at me so, Jaheira? Have I offended you? My manner is oft grim but I did not think you so sensitive to it.

Jaheira -

No, no, I find your wit a treat, especially when it is unleashed upon the hapless that did not see it laying in wait.

 

Haer’Dalis -

Then why the glances as my head turns away?

 

Jaheira -

Forgive me the curiosity, but you are quite alien to me. You are not of this place, and do not fit into the natural order, at least not by design.

 

Haer’Dalis -

Ahh, then you are wary, and are intent on keeping me under guard?

 

Jaheira -

Not so much, but I am interested to see where your niche finds itself. I am wondering what you will balance, for all things have their counterpart...

 

Haer’Dalis -

I see. Perhaps I straddle the fence, providing my own balance. Perhaps I drop things on either side as whim dost take me.

 

Jaheira -

Or perhaps you enjoy the discord of chaos because you have not found that niche as yet. We shall see.

* * *

Jan -

Haerry, I have an idea for a play.

Haer’Dalis -

Please, Jan, my name is Haer’Dalis.

 

Jan -

You see, Haerry, Angus the Giant Beaver is ousted from his house and home by the Bullywag bullies to embark on an epic quest that takes him to the next pond.

 

Haer’Dalis -

Yes, epic. Go on.

 

Jan -

No, no, no, this is only the beginning. Along the way, he encounters Gurgen the Hormonal Moose and a friendship quickly develops between the two, seeing them through times of great trial and tribulation, though the friendship also caused a great deal of trial and tribulation, as you can well imagine.

 

Haer’Dalis -

What, if I may ask, is a moose?

 

Jan -

Too late, I’m already on to great trials and tribulations - Think of it, Haerry, such broad and vital themes. Anyhow, the moose catches a curious and ultimately fatal disease and Angus, as a final testament to the friendship, enshrines him within a wooden tomb in the middle of the lake, before throwing himself in the lake to drown..

 

Haer’Dalis -

Jan, beavers can’t drown. They spend half their life underwater.

 

Jan -

There’s no point in arguing, Haerry. It’s a true tale and if you have any doubt, you can ask my great-aunt Apo Pettiwick, who never married. It all happened in her back yard when she ran the farmer’s market that sold turnips in Thundertree, just upstream of Neverwinter.

 

Haer’Dalis -

Pray I never go there, Jan. Pray I never go there.

* * *

Jan -

Well. That's all very interesting. Much more so than the last time I met a god.

Haer'Dalis -

Aye, I have been fortunate to see the odd deity in my time on the planes. At least those times that they chose to travel openly, that is. What manner of encounter do you speak of?

 

Jan -

It was Oghma, the god of knowledge. Although I can't say I really met him, I suppose, as he was drunk and fast asleep in cousin Roffer's back lawn. Or perhaps I should say ON cousin Roffer's back lawn... he was a giant of an avatar, sprawled out and snoring. I wonder how you get a god drunk?

* * *

Garrick -

My love for the Lady Irlana leaves me so weak in the knees there is almost no other thought I can hold in my head! .(sigh) I sometimes despair that Lady Irlana will never be mine.

Haer’Dalis -

You are a bard, man...look into the depths of you heart and draw from that well a potion that will please your lady. Speak of things that will move a mountain by your passion and eloquence! To do aught else would be to shame your profession.

 

Garrick -

Eh? What was all that? Can I write it down?

* * *

Haer’Dalis -

Keldorn, my faithful hound...how is it that you came to be a paladin, anyhow?

Keldorn -

I must say, 'twas only practical. My mother was of noble birth and my father a ranking cleric. I might have followed in his pages but it lacked the appeal of holy warrior.

 

Haer’Dalis -

Ah, the old codger's tale be true, then: "What is bred in the bone shall out in the flesh."

You charge ahead, of valor born, the best of your parental blood comingled here within you, their very destinies made true by your every righteous act!

Alas, where be an inkwell and some papyrus when I need it?

 

Keldorn -

Ho, Haer'Dalis, your poetry ennobles me far beyond my worth. I am a simple man and by simple decisions, I have made my way about this earth.

If you wouldst write of me, write of me as I would wish to be remembered.

 

Haer’Dalis -

Aye, but then where would go the poetry, good knight? Heh... but come, Aekanaro seems impatient with our chatter. Let us put it off, then.

* * *

 

Keldorn -

I must say, ye bard, that I find the use of your musical abilities during combat to be most effective. Play on, I say.

 

Haer’Dalis -

Aye, and ye can stride into the forefront, ye hound. I'll just hang around in the back awhile, truly enough.

 

Keldorn -

I hardly thought I'd see you timid, Haer'Dalis.

 

Haer’Dalis -

More bored than timid, Lord Keldorn. With your blade a'glittering in the sun like that, you leave few foes for me to challenge.

 

Keldorn -

Nay, good man, they flee not from the brightness of my sword but from the sheer wretchedness of your playing!

 

Haer’Dalis -

Ha! 'Twill be music to my ears to wrap this lute about your head, someday, my aging hound. Now go out there with your blade once again and make yourself useful, aye?

* * *

Korgan -

There not be enough critters in all the world to stain me axe nearly enough. I've killed a'plenty already, an' I yearn yet for more. Come, then, and face this dwarf! Aye, come!

Haer’Dalis -

My hound, my hound, my dog of war...do not invite death to come knocking at your door. I am sure there be plenty of diversions awaiting your keen edge, anon.

 

Korgan -

If there be more of ye out skulking in the shadows, then show yerselves! I have to have some fun...I cannay go about tough and unfeeling all the time!

 

Haer’Dalis -

You do have a certain invective creativity, Korgan. Now, if only you could direct that skill for invention into something more cerebral, less bravado.

 

Korgan -

Cease yer jabber, fool! Blasted actors! Even nay a script or play and still ye need to be the center of all! Strewth!

* * *

Korgan -

Balderdash, imbecile! I've more than a fair mind to tear ye a new dirtchute, ye lying swindler! Faerun would be none the poorer, with ye pushing up daisies.

Ye'd be wise to skulk about in the shadows and pick yer dainty locks, else yer time be up. Hear me, scoundrel?

Haer’Dalis -

I hear you plain enough, dwarf. I seek no quarrel with yer prowess.

 

Korgan -

So the snakebelly ain't as dumb as he looks. There's a lad.

* * *

Haer’Dalis -

A question, my hound and hamster...why is it that you come into such rage when we fight? 'Tis as if all the furies of the planes were all at once let loose within your veins!

Minsc -

Boo says fight hard so I fight hard.

 

Haer’Dalis -

Ah, Boo says that, does he?

 

Minsc -

Space hamsters are never wrong!

* * *

Nalia -

I can’t stand seeing all these taverns around the city. They exist simply to drain the poorer classes of their money and throw them into such a stupor that they can’t even realize their own oppression.

Haer’Dalis -

Aye, my darling loon, drink is to the poor what theater is to the rich; a costly chance to play out fantasies that may never come true.

 

Nalia -

Don’t patronize me, Haer’Dalis, for I have never done the same to you.

 

Haer’Dalis -

Ha, my dear, ‘tis true for had your family patronized me while I was still with the theater, I would be far wealthier than I am today.

* * *

 

Aran -

Good hunting. Report to me if anything happens. Oh, and the bonus we talked of... Take these items. You will find them useful, I am sure.

Nalia -

I suppose we have little choice, even though I have trouble trusting... these people. They do not seem forced into this kind of life at all.

Haer’Dalis -

Yes, wonderfully chaotic bunch, aren't they. Sneaking through the gutters for the love of it and no other reason.

 

Nalia -

But there are so many that have no choice.

 

Haer’Dalis -

And these are not them. You will have to save your need to give charity for another day. This matter is strictly business.

* * *

Aekanaro -

Tiax? Is that you? I haven't seen you in ages. What have you been up to?

Tiax -

Tiax rules all from this throne room! You are all servants of his majesty, even as you feign ignorance!

Haer’Dalis -

You're just not all there, are you.

 

Tiax -

The heavens move because he waves his hand! The waters stir as he twiddles his toes! The winds blow as he passes! And on a whim he can break them all!

 

Aekanaro -

If you are so powerful, why don't you leave this place?

 

Tiax -

... err...

* * *

Haer’Dalis -

Tell me, Valygar, your family was once rich and powerful, yes?

Valygar -

Yes... what is your point?

 

Haer’Dalis -

I simply am interested in the story of how they have fallen so far. Decayed, as it were, over the years until you are the last member of a small and decrepit estate.

 

Valygar -

My family lost its wealth long before I inherited anything of it. And none of it interests me, anyway. I'd much rather spend my time in the wild.

 

Haer’Dalis -

And so the family will end completely, then. How very right and natural that is, a cycle having come to completion. Hmm. Yes.

 

Valygar -

I'm glad it amuses you. I, myself, have had to live through my family's decline and I would rather not discuss it as if it were some point of philosophy.

 

Haer’Dalis -

Perhaps I could ask you more about it? It would make a wonderful story, I think.

 

Valygar -

Mind your own business.

* * *

Haer’Dalis -

So this ancestor of yours, Lavok, he created such beasts as ghouls and skeletons and other wakened dead of that ilk?

Valygar -

I did say he was a necromancer, didn't I? As I understand it, Lavok felt that tampering with the veil that seperates life from death was his perogative.

 

Haer’Dalis -

I see. I imagine that your family must have been exposed to many such things over their time.

 

Valygar -

The old family was, yes. They continued to practice Lavok's magics long after he left, but my particular branch was not interested in such pursuits.

They left in disgust, watching from afar as the old family crumbled over the years. And then my family inherited what little of Lavok's fortune was left.

That fortune brought us no end of grief, however. My family eventually took up his past-time, as well, to my sorrow.

I have no greater wish than to see such magic wiped from Faerun. What's dead is dead, and that should be the end! Tampering with life goes against all reason!

 

Haer’Dalis -

Aye, hawk, aye. A truth's been spoken and it's been spoken from your tongue.

* * *

Haer'Dalis -

I watch you, blackbird. I watch you and 'tis as if you are a dancer pinned between two panes of glass called Bliss and Rage.

Viconia -

If I am a dancer, then I dance for Shar. Take your leering eyes and turn them elsewhere, planesman.

 

Haer'Dalis -

And as for being pinned between those panes of glass?

 

Viconia -

I have loyalties that bind me, yes... Do not make bravery your downfall, male. Return to your world above: these depths are not for you. Izil phor, ji harl.

* * *

 

Guard -

Tell me, madam! This man WAS begging from you, correct?

Viconia -

I can answer that, guardsman. The rivvil approached us to ask directions and nothing else.

But I have a question. There was a helpless woman mobbed and nearly burnt at the stake near here not long ago. Where were you then? Tirelessly hunting beggars, I suppose?

Haer’Dalis -

It hardly seems like you, my lovely blackbird, to commit an act of charity. Are you well?

 

Viconia -

Do not concern yourself. If I dislike the law in this city, it is because I know how some can be disregarded by it completely. The pathetic rivvil can rot in the Abyss, for all I care.

 

Haer’Dalis -

And I thought I was the actor of this troupe. How intriguing.

* * *

Viconia -

Haer'Dalis, I blame you for this damnably hummable song playing again and again in my head, over and over. You are really quite a marvelous tunesmith, not to mention a clever mimic and talented mime.

Have you any new and lewd burlesque tunes that you might regale me with, musician?

Haer’Dalis -

Viconia, do you truly think that because you are bewitching in appearance and have the throaty voice of the most expensive courtesan in King Wingding's House of Earthly delights... and a body built for untold pleasures that I would fall for such an old ploy? Blow a little sunshine and I will fall all over myself to gain your favor? Best think again, dark one.

 

Viconia -

Men better than you have walked across lava to kiss a dog who's licked my hand, actor.

You're a dreamer, bard. I'm sure you can imagine lots of wonderful scenes... but they would not exceed the truth in intensity, depravity or tenure, I assure you.

 

Haer’Dalis -

Ah...er...pardon me for a moment whilst my head implodes.

* * *

Yoshimo -

Haer'Dalis, Haer'Dalis, you think too much and smile too little! Come, my bullywug! Come, my puss'n'boots! We are in Athkatla, the city of a million smiling faces!

Haer'Dalis -

Aye, parrot, aye. 'Tis because they're all trying to sell me something!

 

Yoshimo -

I have seen your fingers and they are as fast as your tongue! What you don't want to buy, you can always steal!

 

Haer'Dalis -

And what you don't want to steal? ... I trust not your boundless glee, my parrot, for something in it jingles with the sound of silver.

 

Yoshimo -

Silver? Or gold? We pluck it from every corpse we find and steal it from every chest that we encounter!

You are right, bard, I am twice rewarded: once because I am richer in Aekanaro's care, and twice because I am richer here than rotting in some prison of the damned.

 

Haer'Dalis -

Aye, you are twice rewarded but you have no more been a prisoner than I have been a king... Consider yourself forewarned, thief. My trust does not come easy and you have not won it yet.

* * *

Yoshimo -

Haer'Dalis, a ronin, a rogue. You've more freedom than most and yet you remain as grumpy as a flea-bitten dog. Why so glum?

Haer'Dalis -

Dogs is it? A fitting cloak for a blood-hound. You've got the scent now, Yoshimo and shall bring the prey to your mysterious master.

 

Yoshimo -

No master have I save my own conscience. I merely wish to know why life is such a burden to you.

 

Haer'Dalis -

Shackles as heavy as yours cannot be hidden from one who has been a slave. I tire of this dreadful acting. Leave me be, Yoshimo.

* * *

Yoshimo -

Y-yes, Master Irenicus, just as you wanted it. I apologize, Aekanaro. There are circumstances that you are not aware of.

Haer'Dalis -

Interesting. An uncertain path opens as the party fractures beneath us. Destruction that was unevitable, though the source is most surprising.

 

Yoshimo -

I cannot give a reason that will satisfy. Your wrath will come, regardless.

 

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